friends don't let friends go on television

Coming to a television near you -- me dancing with my childhood teddy bear and other disastrously wonderful cheesy moments brought to you by Jenn (that's me!) and the Home & Garden Network (that's cable!)

Today I taped a craft themed how-to segment for the HGTV show, "That's Clever!" because yo, I am the cleverest. No, um, scratch that. Talking to a camera is freakin difficult. And I am happy that the format of the show is fun and silly and that they were super nice and lead me like a trained monkey dressed in people's clothes. Bless every single one of the crew. They couldn't have been any nicer or accommodating to me. According to them I did a pretty good job and managed to look not too shabby on video.

I am the girl who says strictly forboden phrases ("Now I will" and referring to the viewer as "you".) over and over without ceasing - instantly destroying at least 50 takes. OH and I can't forget how the mild speech impediments that I manage to get away with for the most part were magnified and so obvious. I come from a Georgia McEducation and frequently channel Yoda (and not necessarily in a good way). My Yodisms have been joked about many times, but I always shrugged it off. Try shrugging it off when you hear three people repeating the words that you just uttered just so they can relive how awkward you just sounded and puzzle over it for themselves. I fear it has put an abrupt end to my television career. (HA!)

Who is the girl who inverses words? ME! Who is the girl who combines two words into one nonexistent word? ME! Who is the girl with weird enunciation? ME! Who is repetitive? Who is repetitive? Who is repetitive?

Seriously, most days this girl can talk. Usually I can do a fantastic job communicating ideas and dotting my chatter with descriptive words. Get the camera in front of me and it was like.... der, um, what was I talking about? I had to be told very specifically what to say and I made the worst parrot EVER. I needed direction like a child does to tie his shoes. And I needed instructions cut into tiny pre-cut pieces, thankyouverymuch.

When the show finally airs in the fall I fully expect for my older brothers to tease me for the rest of my days with the numerous cheesy quotable ammunition they will have. Guess I will have to wait until Fall 2006 to see it myself. It was a fantastically challenging opportunity and I am really glad that I got a chance to experience it! I expect to have more to share once I have stopped internally siezing long enough to eat and sleep normally again.